Promises to Keep-2Whispered Promises

Bella's POV

I scowled at my reflection in the dressing room mirror.

It was so unnecessary.

It was such a waste.

So, alright, I looked great—like whenever Alice browbeat me into playing dress up—but still, what is up with the waiting?

Can't we just get it over with?

If I wasn't sure about my love for Edward before, this will certainly assure me of just how much I love him. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, all fluffed and primped.

Ugh.

"Alice, how long do I have to stand here like a complete idiot?"

I was so busy sulking at the little things that Alice had prepared for me that it took a moment for me to realize my Maid of Honor's complete stillness.

It was the low, husky chuckle that warned me. I felt my heart literally stop before it picked up its pace, double time.

Heart in throat, I turned slowly and raised my eyes to meet the dark ones that I have continued to—however hard I try not to—miss.

For weeks, I struggled with the fact that Jacob was mine no longer. I thought I was over it, that I have somehow made peace with it, but time didn't heal all wounds. It merely mocked me with little reminders of what I'd lost, what I would continue to lose.

I couldn't count the many times I picked up the phone to call him, barely remembering that he asked me to wait for his before any further contact between us. I couldn't stop the overwhelming urge to look over whenever I hear the loud snarl of a passing motorcycle; it didn't matter that I knew it couldn't possibly be him. Just last week, I was almost reduced to tears by the sight of a small russet-colored dog that just happenned to wander through Charlie's lawn.

Now, here he was standing in front of me.

Large as ever, handsome in a casual, unassuming black jacket and a white shirt beneath it, with no tie. And his black satin hair—my heart squeezed with no particular emotion—tied in a pony tail except for the shorter bangs that escaped here and there. It reminded me of how he looked when he came to the prom, looking all awkward and embarrassed.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Jacob no longer looked awkward and embarrassed. He looked strong, graceful and, strangely, majestic. It was as if he'd gone through some great battle and came back—if not victorious—less conflicted.

He looked thinner than usual and under his eyes were the purple half circles that I usually see on other faces that are just as familiar, just as beloved.

Memories, both sweet and bitter, played in my mind like a never-ending movie as I felt the familiar rush of homesickness that he always managed to awaken inside me.

It's been so long since we saw each other, and the small, deaden part of my heart—the one that I suspect will always belong to Jacob—trembled to life, filled up and overflowed.

My eyes were so focused on his face—trying to carve it into my memory—that I hardly noticed that both Alice and Angela slipped out of the room, giving us a chance to have our say.

To say our goodbyes for—at least, for now—the last time.

I could feel that small part of me protesting violently.

His eyes—his dark, warm eyes—smiled into mine even before his lips curved into the remembrance of his usual wide, carefree smile. My eyelids almost fluttered closed with the fear of pain because I knew—without a doubt—this will be just as painful, just as horrible as the last time we talked, but even though the smile was not my usual smile, I took heart that it didn't have the bitter edge that had usually preceded an argument between us.

I could only watch when Jacob took a step closer, then another, and another, until eventually; he stood—impossibly tall—in front of me.

"Bella, honey."

Another rush of homesickness washed over me at the husky sound of his voice that wrapped around the familiar words that I could only managed a whisper, "Yes?"

"You're killing it."

The words were as shocking as it didn't make sense. "What?"

The smile on his face widened as he shook his head at me. A teasing, helpless look glowed in his eyes before those eyes released mine and slid down—oddly—to my hands.

I followed suit and realized what he meant. My fingers were currently choking my small, tasteful, white—what was the name of the flower again?—bouquet.

"Oh."

I frowned at the small petals that fluttered to my feet but my fingers refused to let go of them, they were shaking so hard.

The death grip didn't ease off and only grew tighter when Jacob's hand–rough and warm—touched mine.

"Let go, Bella."

I didn't know why, but the words suddenly seemed to have a double meaning. I clutched the flowers much tighter between my fingers that they started to tremble along with my hands.

I inhaled sharply when he pressed hard, lacing my fingers with his left one while the other wrangled the poor bouquet from my clutch of death and put it on a nearby table. "Here," He offered his other hand, so now I was holding both of his hands in a hard grip—though he probably didn't even feel it, "you can hold on to these instead."

I blinked at him—nodding dumbly—and easily stared back into his eyes since he sat at an edge of a table so I didn't have to look up so far.

"Jacob." It was most embarrassing the way my voice broke and I couldn't help but feel strengthen by the warmth of his hands that seeped into my clammy palms.

It wasn't just because this was Jacob—a person who had brightened up my darkest days—and this was my wedding day to my truest of loves.

It wasn't because this was Jacob—a person that I came to love with every breath in my body and who loved me back just as much if not more—and that he was here on the day I was to wed another person that I love even more than him.

It was because this was Jacob, my best friend in the whole wide world whom I had shared every secret that I had. And, even though our friendship had grown rocky as of late, the mere sight of him still gave me a sense of comfort, a sense of home, for that was what he was to me.

A home, made out of—not brick or wood or glass—but flesh and bone.

Because of that, all the doubts and nerves about the day and the days after that I managed to hide from everybody else—even knowing how unfair and how cruel it would be to actually dump it on him—rose to the surface; in wait of his fresh perspective and comforting words.

He must have either sensed my anxiety or saw it in my face or heard it in my voice—he knows me so well—that he squeezed my hands gently, once; twice.

His eyes swept over my face and lingered on mine before looking away. It was then that I saw it.

My hands twisted from his hands to flutter at his face right before he managed to hide it with his bangs, the long scar protruding from his left temple, already pink with recovery.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing." His lips curved upwards in a small smile before he added, "A hit and run."

I swept away his bangs from the wound so I could see it better and rediscovered how his pain brought about my own sets of pain as the thought of him hurting knotted my stomach. My fingers touched his scalding skin, fingers tracing the scar with shaking, fascinated fingers. I still couldn't get over how fast they heal no matter how much I hope it will always be that way.

If only other parts of him can heal just as fast.

It took a few seconds for me to finally realize what I was doing—and who I was doing it to—I caught his stare and flushed guiltily.

When I stepped back he caught my left hand and held it in his wide palm, his eyes never wavered from my face. "I'm going to miss that."

My confusion was probably clear because his lips curved into a small smile. "Seeing you blush."

I knew it. He was going to make me cry.

Not that I don't deserve it.

"I'll miss just seeing you at all really."

My breath hitched at the finality in his voice. "So, this really is good bye, Jacob?"

"It'll be easier."

"For whom?" The accusation flew out of my mouth before I could stop it. I was appallingly selfish sometimes.

The look in his eyes was surprisingly patient. "For both of us."

Something was caught in my throat so I only shook my head in denial. I know… I know that I should let him go, I somehow realized that before this day, I actually hoped that he would give in and accept my decision, but this was Jacob, not Edward.

Edward would humor me, while Jacob… well, he knew I could never be mad at him for long, and for the most part—and I know just how twisted this is—Jacob was surer of the love that I feel for him than Edward ever did of my love for him.

After all, didn't Jacob figure out that I was in love with him far longer than I had?

"Will you miss me, Bella?"

My eyes could be closed and I could be a mile away, without even looking at him, without looking at his face, I would know instantly who this was, asking me.

I didn't need the young and unsure look in his dark eyes to know which part of him that voiced the question.

This was myJacob.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I struggled to not let it spill over. "What kind of a question is that? Of course, I will. Verymuch."

"A year from now?"

"Yes."

"Five years?"

"Of course."

"Ten? Thirty?" A mocking smile flirted on his wide lips. "A hundred?"

"Jacob—"

He tilted his head to the side as if in thought, "I wonder if you'll even remember me at all."

The question was a stab to the heart, and as always anger followed in the footsteps of any pain that he caused—somehow it was always harder to forgive him than it needed to be to forgive Edward. It wasn't because I loved the one more and the other less, it was because, I expected Jacob to know better—to know mebetter—because, most of the time, he does.

I wrenched my hand away from his and turned my back on him.

"I'm not trying to be cruel, Bella."

"You're already succeeding, why bother with trying?"

"I'm not punishing you."

"Really?"

"I'm just—"

It was the hesitation that did it, that made me sneak a look at him. Something in his deep eyes caught me. The look that he gave me was so focused, so concentrated that his brow wrinkled with the intensity of it.

"I'm just trying to imagine how it will be for you. How youwill be for me."

"I'll still be Bella, Jacob." The loneliness in his face made me want to wrap my hands around him, like it always did. It had stopped being a surprise, this protective instinct, the strength of the bond between us.

A bond that will soon be tested.

Perhaps, even broken.

I can feel my mind shy away from the thought, protecting me from the pain that will surely come.

"Do you really think that?"

I opened my mouth to say yes, but the look in his eyes stopped me.

The mournful smile on his face broke my mangled heart into little pieces, and it broke even more when he took my face in his hands and brought his face close to mine. His dark eyes captured mine with the kindness and soft light that I knew I would miss so much. But, they were his words, four little words that formed a sentence which blew a hole in my heart. "Thisis my Bella. If you are…different, you won't be my Bella anymore."

The heat of his hands scorched my cheeks, but maybe that was just the tears that flowed down my skin in a fiery trail.

This was something that I won't miss.

The crying.

And like before—even when I begged Edward, cajoled and demanded him to make me a vampire—when I was with Jacob, when I see him hurt over my decision, the loss of my mortal life felt like too much of a sacrifice.

But not big enough for me to stop.

Just like the fact that I do love him but not enough to actually be with him.

He wiped my tears with a coarse hand, the touch of them so unbearably gentle and a sob shivered at my throat when our foreheads touched.

"I tried so hard," he whispered thickly.

"Tried what?" I whispered back.

"To hate you." He tightened his hold on my face when he felt me flinch. "Maybe, it would help a little if I hate you. It didn't have to be all of you but just one, small part of you."

"Did you…" My throat was suddenly dry. I knew I deserved any kind of punishment for everything I did to him—and certainly Jacob hating me would be the cruelest but fairest of punishments—but, selfishly, I knew it would kill me if he hated me. "Did you succeed?"

"Ah, Bella," he chuckled before sighing; his breath was hot against my face. "If only it could be that easy."

Our eyes met and again, a small smile appeared on his face. "I made you a promise," The serious look on his face changed into mocking regret. "Guess I have to stick by it."

"Jacob—"

"So, I'll be here, Bella. Whenever you want… needto come back. I'll be here. It doesn't matter who or what you are. If you come back, I'll be there for you."

"Whatever you need, whatever you want." His eyes stared deeply into mine with an intensity that left no doubt that he meant it. "It will be yours."

The thorny, twisted vine that had been squeezing my heart, released its hold and the relief was staggering. If I wasn't crying already, his words would have started it. I didn't realize just how much his friendship meant to me, right until now, until I thought I was going to lose it forever. It was…it was a kind of death, but my pain became meaningless at this very exact moment because I realized how much of a sacrifice this would be for him.

"Even when my scent burns your nose?"

"Well, you can always stay downwind."

He merely grinned when I tried to pinch his side, his body was so darn hard.

For a moment, as I relearn how to breathe, we could only stare at each other. His hands brushed against the side of my face, the serious but earnest look returned to his face, aging it with patience and wisdom.

With a jolt I realized that I also love this part of him… that in my mind, this side of him had started to mold with the side of him that was my Jacob.

"Isabella Swan," the husky tone of his voice lengthened my name as if it was the most beautiful of poetry, "I love you with all my heart. And I will always will."

The solemn vow was whispered to my ear and it was as if the words had a life of their own because they slid through my ear and weaved their way into my heart—into that small piece of my heart—making it beat again. And with each painful throb, moments of our shared conversations, shared laughter, and shared secrets were as tangible, as touchable as the hands that held my face.

"Until myheart stops beating."

I realized that my hands were gripping his wrists tightly—the bracelet that he gave me glinted brightly in the light—as if not wanting to let go. "Jacob."

"I wish you well, Bella. Wish you all the happiness in the world."

I was caught off guard by the sudden glint of speculation and mischief in his eyes but when it disappeared, I thought I had imagined it. I was blinded by tears—it was that bad—and felt his lips pressed gently on a teary cheek before—in a sudden movement—he wrapped his arms around me with his usual exuberance and crushed me against his body. But this time I didn't protest and merely hugged him just as tight.

"I reallyhope that you won't die."

"Jake—"

The frustration in my voice made him laugh; I closed my eyes to savor the slow rumble sound that vibrated in his chest, pressing my cheek against it.

"Until next time, Bella."

"Please. Stay."

He let me go and grazed a hand on my cheek before he turned to go. "I'm not thatgood yet, Bella."

It was through tears that I watched him go.

And the small of part of my heart that came to life just seconds before, died a slow, painful death.

Again.

I wondered how many times more it will have to die to vanish completely.

I suspected I won't be that lucky.

The sympathy in Alice's eyes made it harder to rein the tears in. "Give me a minute, Alice."

The smile on her face was full of understanding, which didn't help. "It's your wedding, Bella. Take all the time you need."

It wasn't until she came closer and reflexively wrinkled her nose that I remembered the mischief in Jacob's eyes.

I knew I should be mad, but it also reminded me of the way Edward did the same thing not so long ago. It crossed my mind that if things were different, maybe, Edward and Jacob could be friends.

I chuckled at the thought.

"Ah, Jacob." I sighed as I shook my head, imagining the impish look on the face if I ever challenged him with this.

I was frustrated by his gall—it was my wedding day for God's sake—but it was so Jacob that I had to smile.

I met the disgruntled look that Alice gave me. "Do I really smell that bad?"

"You reek."

"Think Edward will mind?"

Her little lips pursed in thought. "He already knew that Jacob was here so he'll probably expect it anyway. A few bottles of perfume might help but then you'll reek to the other guests." She shrugged. "I guess he'll just have to deal."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you still mad over him vetoing half your guests?"

She sniffed. "The guest list was perfectly fine…"

I watched her chatter away, trying to justify her guest list. I tried to listen, but my eyes drifted to the forest where my best friend and his brothers were probably running over shadows and light, lost in the simple freedom of speed.