Bella waited, waited for Jacob to explain. Her heart in her throat, her stomach in knots. She didn’t realize she was actually holding her breath until she exhaled hard when Jacob shook his head.
“Later.”
“Wha-.Jake.” She intended to protest but he put a finger on his lips and jerked his head toward the door.
“Someone’s coming.”
She stopped frowning at him to look over his shoulder but the open doorway was empty. An amused smile curved Jacob’s lips when she stared at him suspiciously. Just when she opened his mouth to berate him, Jacob lifted a hand in a counting gesture and just when his fingers disappeared into a fist, a hesitant yet polite knock interrupted their waiting silence. She could only roll her eyes when Jacob gave her a smug grin.
“Show off.” She muttered into her hair.
“Jake. The food’s here.”
“Thanks, Caleb.” Jacob called out, his fingers playing with the edges of her hair, twirling a strand around his fingers. His back was against the arm of the couch, his shoulders relax, his face; all smiles. It was as if his earlier tension was just something she imagined, she guessed the quicksilver moods and acting skills was essential in his life. When every annoyance and irritation can make you dangerous to yourself and others, you have to learn to control and forcefully change your moods.
She never gave him and the other werewolves credit for their struggle in controlling their other sides.
She watched a playful smile flutter on his lips, his eyes sliding to the door, the still empty doorway, she noted with a frown.
“Is there something else, Cal?”
She heard a shuffling sound, an uncomfortable cough. “Um, do you want me to close the door?”
She couldn’t understand why the simple question made Jacob choked out a laugh. “No, we’ll be downstairs in a minute.”
“Oh.” Another uncomfortable cough. “Okay.”
Bella waited until the sound of Caleb’s big, noisy steps reached the stairs before returning her questioning gaze to Jacob, she realized and was a bit embarrassed by how focused she must’ve been on Jacob that she didn’t hear the racket that Caleb must have made when he came up the stairs. “What’s that all about?”
Her eyes followed Jacob’s shifting back as he swiveled and stood and stretched, her eyes widening as she took in his size. She knew Jacob was big and tall but there were moments where she thought ‘woah, he’s big’. She noted that his fingertips nearly reached the ceiling but she blinked and focused on the matter at hand.
“Why didn’t he just come in?”
He shrugged but even with his back to her, she knew he was smiling.
“Jake.”
His dark eyes stayed on hers as he pulled her to her feet. “Caleb was just being helpful.”
“Wow, that explains everything.” She snarked but only manage to make him smile even wider. “Why did he offer to close the door…” It wasn’t actually his rather wickedly amused smile that turned her brain, it was more of her remembering the slightly embarrassed tone in Caleb’s voice, or the sound of his hesitation and the shuffling of his shoes. The thought was a smear of purple and blues on her blue, blue sky.
“He couldn’t possibly think that we were…”
Jacob grinned. “Could you really blame him?”
Bella sputtered as she felt heat rising up her cheeks, fueled by the look in his eyes. “Why would he…?”
Jacob rolled his eyes. “You’re a girl, I’m a boy. We’ve been here alone for four hours and it’s not like our feelings for each other’s a secret.”
Bella ignored the last part. “Four hours.” Her eyes flicked to her wrist watch and suppress a groan as her mind snagged on some other stray thought. “Was that what the loud music was all about?”
“Well, you know how these big buildings are. They’re quite…” Jacob flashed a wide grin, “…echoey.”
She pressed a hand on her face and could feel the heat pumping out of her skin as she let loose a smothered groan. “They can’t actually-“
“Oh, I think they can.”
She opened one eyes and glared at him. “You’re not helping.”
“Sorry.” The look on his face showed he was anything but and he threw an arm over her shoulders. “Come on. I’m starving.”
Bella’s eyes bugged and she dug in her heels, knowing it was a helpless move. “Are you kidding me? I’m not coming down there.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “So, we’ll stay here? Yeah, that’ll help.”
“I’m staying here. You, go down.”
He scoffed and bumped his hip to hers, frog marching her to the door. “I’m not going to leave you here alone, Bells.”
“Then I’ll just go home.”
If possible the grin grew even further and she felt the twisting sensation in her stomach lessen. If her embarrassment gave ground for Jacob to smile, even at her expense, so be it. She owed it to him, and she couldn’t stand to see him in pain like he was a few moments ago. Besides, she couldn’t even explain it to herself just how much she missed that smile.
Although, the fact that Jacob was giving her a pitying stare and was short of patting her head in a condescending, manly matter, bites.
“Riiiight. So, I sent you away after we did the deed. That’ll stop them from talking.”
“There is no deed and what do you mean anyway?”
He sighed, long and heavy and amused. “Really, Bells. All those books you’ve been reading haven’t really taught you anything, have they?”
She tried to grasp the door frame as he pushed her forward but he merely twisted her hands away, circling a hand around her waist and lifting her. “What do you mean—“ She gasped as the thought entered her mind. “You mean…they’ll think I’m…”
“Man, I’m starving.” Jacob put her down, took her hand and pulled her with him, making use of the befuddled state of her mind.
“…that I’m a…I’m a… booty call?”
Jacob sputtered and laughed so hard, he almost made them fall down the stairs.
He was still chuckling over it on his second helping of spaghetti and meatballs, ignoring the heel of Bella’s shoe on his toes. Probably thinks that I’m playing footsie with him, Bella griped, her eyes glaring at Jacob’s hulking frame. That thought, everyone else's snickers, and the sly, knowing looks and Jacob’s wicked amusement—he kept laughing every time their eyes met—made her cranky enough that when Quil made eyes to her lasagna she put her hands around her plate and said plainly, “Mine.”
Rejected but determined, Quil philosophically set his hazel eyes onto the other girl across the table. The girl smacked the back of his wandering hand with a spoon.
“Don’t even think about it, Quil.”
Quil’s impish face folded into the cutest, most helpless look that made Bella’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Aw, come on, Merce. Just one little bite.”
Mercy or Merce as she was introduced to her was the same age as Caleb and was in fact his best friend since childhood who also happens to be one of their Quileute part timers. The teenage girl scoffed. “One little bite from you and half of my lasagna will go missing.”
Embry sat back, patted his stomach and sighed in satisfaction. “Quil does have a big mouth.”
Everyone groaned at the suggestive smile on Quil’s face but before he could say anything offensive or disturbing or anything R rated, Caleb stuffed a forkful of his spaghetti to appease Quil’s mouth.
Bella ignored the war that ensued, paper napkins and delivery bags that were tossed around because she was all too aware of Mercy’s dark eyes on her. The girl was petite, with a slender build that was even shorter than hers, but small was definitely not the impression that she gave off. Even among the giant structures of Jacob, Quil and Embry—Caleb wasn’t so small either—the younger girl radiated this invisible charge that made her seem taller than she really was. Something that she probably needed, considering that she worked in a predominated male line of work.
Bella answered her sharp, weighing gaze with a polite smile.
“You’re Chief Swan’s daughter, right?”
She didn’t even bother to sigh, even when Jacob snorted over his ice tea, she merely took a bite of her lasagna which truly was excellent, her mind was busy cataloging the many spices that rolled on her tongue.
Mercy smiled, the subtle twitch of her lips lightening her dark eyes and making her so serious face into something sweet and impish. The contrast between one expression and the other was startling and strangely appealing. “I heard you often hang out with these miscreants.”
Quil sniffed. “Miscreants.”
Bella smiled, pulled by her smile. “They’re interesting.”
The smile stayed and Bella felt the warm glow of her approval run down her spine, the feeling similar to what Jasper could do but it wasn’t vampire powers or something like that. It was old fashion charm and overwhelming charisma.
“Interesting, huh?” She spread her gaze over Caleb and the boys. “Yeah, I guess.”
Bella wondered why Caleb who sat beside Mercy took one look at his best friend’s smile and paled, especially when her smile upped a few levels.
“I’ve heard a few things about you, Bella.”
Bella’s eyes lifted from her food. “Oh?”
“That you married young. 18, wasn’t it?”
Her smile froze on her face as did Jacob’s hand that was lifting his fork to his mouth. His face darkening, his eyes forming a straight, tight line. She didn’t need to turn her head to see that Quil and Embry to know that they were listening in on their conversation.
“Mercy.” Caleb’s voice was soft but filled with warning.
It was ignored.
Mercy cocked her head to the left, the gesture cute and harmless. “You know how people are. They talk.”
“They also tend to poke their noses into things that aren’t their business.” Jacob’s tone was low and careful. Bella’s heart tripped and quickened at the blank look on his face.
Mercy however, merely lifted her chin. “Which one? Her marriage or the fact that you’re fooling around with a married woman?”
“Merce, shut up.” Caleb leaned into her, hissing under his breath but Mercy was insistent, she threw her question like a challenge, “Well, which one?”
Bella kept her eyes on Mercy’s antagonistic stare even as she felt the blast of heat of Jacob’s anger, trying to find out why she was so angry and…hurt. Her concentration was broken by Quil’s worried whisper and with a look she saw why, Jacob’s hands were shaking.
His eyes seemed dark and endless, the skin around them tight.
It wasn’t just anger, it was pain. The sight of it pulled at the part of her that always wanted to protect Jacob from harm, which is pretty ironic since the only thing that was more dangerous to Jacob either than a vampire, or a fast moving truck, or a meteor falling into the atmosphere, with the ability to hurt him more than either of those things was her.
Bella Swan. Twenty three years old. Human.
The knowledge of that, edged on with guilt and smothered by love made her straighten her back and faced Mercy head on.
She didn’t care what other people thought of her but Jacob didn’t deserve the speculation. He did nothing wrong but be a good friend to her, it was more than she deserved, really.
Slowly, she lifted a hand and put it on top of Jacob’s shaking hands, drawing his eyes to hers. She squeezed harder and stared into his eyes, pulling him back from his anger. Her thumb soothed the shuddering skin until it stilled. She looked into his eyes until he blinked and took a deep breath, without taking her eyes from Jacob’s she answered Mercy’s question.
“Both.” She replied in a voice that sounded nothing like her; calm and certain. It jerked Mercy’s hostile gaze from their joined hands. Bella drew a small breath and was emboldened by the thankful smile in both Embry’s and Quil’s.
“Jacob’s right. What we do is none of your business. But—“ She continued when Mercy opened her mouth, her eyes sparking with temper. “I can’t let you or anyone think badly of Jacob. I won’t let my mistakes make people draw the wrong conclusion about him.”
She heard the tremble in her voice so it was obvious that Jacob heard it also. “You don’t have to explain, Bella.”
“Yes, I do.” She paused because it still hurt. Because, despite it all, there was still a deep, deep regret. “I’m not married.” She felt his hand tensed under hers. “I didn’t get married in the first place.” She breathed through the memories and through it, the ragged edges of pain. She focused on the heat of his hand, the subtle textures and the strength of the fingers that was pressed against hers. “There were…complications. Needless to say, we called the whole thing off. And here I am.” Her throat clenched around the words so she made a great show of looking at her watch. “It’s late. I think I should go. I’ll just get my bag from your room.”
“OK.” The softness and understanding in Jacob’s voice made tears pricked her eyes so she hurried out the kitchen, not meeting anyone’s eyes.
***
Bella stared at her reflection, wiping water off her face with one of the towels. Her eyes were darker than usual but other than that, she looked…well, she looked better than she thought. She rubbed a hand on her chest over the throbbing pain but she didn’t know whether to be grateful or sad or proud that she didn’t simply fold unto the floor at the thought of Edward and all that she had lost. In the past, there were days were she did, where great whopping panic attacks overwhelmed her and she welcomed it.
Today was not one of those days. Was not going to be one of those days. She’ll make sure of it.
For the first time, mostly, probably because of Jacob’s presence, Bella refused to succumb to the vindictive bite of sadness, the bitter pleasure of grief, to indulge her self in a bout of self pity. Jacob didn’t need to see her grieving over another man, even though he knew she loved Edward, he didn’t need to have it rubbed all over his face.
Although, the thought came and went in her mind, that was one way to established a line between them but she couldn’t bring herself to do that, at least not now.
Not when he was the only one she had.
Bella paused out of the bathroom door when she saw Caleb standing up from the Jacob’s overlarge couch, as if he was waiting for her; his face anxious and worried.
“I’m sorry. About Mercy.” His words stumbled all over each other.
She waved a hand. “It’s OK.”
“No, it’s not.” He brushed a hand over his longish dark brown hair. “She didn’t mean…well, yeah, she did mean. I mean…” Caleb huffed an aggravated breath that made Bella sympathized with how uncomfortable he looked. He gestured toward the couch, his dark eyes appealed her to listen. “Please, let me explain.”
Bella walked around the table and sat.
“Thank you.” He sat with his body turned to hers, so they could talk face to face. “She was upset, mostly, for me.”
Bella merely stared at waited for him to continue with a blank but pleasant expression on her face. He was twitchy and embarrassed and she wondered absently where Jacob, Embry and Quil went.
“Mercy’s protective.” He offered her a smile. “And considering how you slammed her down back there, I’m sure you understand.” He shifted on his seat, cleared his throat and as if he came to a decision, nodded. “My father cheated on my mother. A lot. Every time he got caught, he promised to never do it again, but he kept at it until three years ago.” He shrugged. “Only because he died.”
Bella didn’t really know what to say and if she did, how to say it so she focused on something else. “Jacob would never have an affair with a married woman.”
“I didn’t think…” He saw the disbelieving look on her face and smiled. “Well, yeah. Okay. It’s just that I heard you were married and I heard about you and Jacob, then I saw you together…”
“I don’t even think that you’ve seen us held hands until today.”
“Geez, I may be a sixteen but I’m not stupid, Bella.”
This time it was Bella who shrugged, a bit embarrassed when he rolled his eyes and gave her a look. “Anyway, Jacob is a sort of surrogate brother to me and Mercy knows that, that’s why…she also respects him a lot, you know. She saw that Jacob disappointed me and that hurt and disappointed her too, and then considering, you know, what Jacob is to us, we don’t approve of him getting it on with a married woman. Not to mention, affairs like that never ends well, and Mercy, no matter how strange she shows it, cares about Jacob…”
Bella sighed at the long, rambling yet well meaning speech. “Caleb, I’m not angry at her, especially now that I know she was only protecting a friend.”
Caleb stared at her face as if trying to find something that conflicted with her words but found none. “Thanks.”
Bella smiled at his evident relief. “You’re a good friend, Caleb.” He stood when Bella did but kept shuffling his feet that Bella paused and turned back to him. “Is there something else?”
“She hurt you.” The look on his face didn’t suit the tentative smile that bloomed on his face. “She could see that and she’s sorry, she really is but she might not tell you that.” His smiled grew crooked. “Her pride, you know, but she’ll make it up to you.”
Bella blinked and inwardly winced. “She doesn’t have to—“
“Mercy has a sharp tongue but she'll never intentionally hurt someone.” He paused and tilted his head. “Wait, what am I saying? I mean sure, of course she would go out and intentionally hurt someone but only if they deserve it.” He assured her with a grin. “And if she was in the wrong, she considers it a debt so, she owes you one. She’ll probably show up in your store and maybe help you out with something.”
“Is there any use in refusing?”
“No.”
Bella sighed deeply and hooked her bag on her shoulder. “All right.”
“She’s strong, you know. She can help you out with moving stuff or cleaning up and she’s pretty handy with fixing stuff up.”
Amused with how sincere he was, Bella spared him a smile. “Are you pimping your friend out to me?”
Caleb flashed a full blown smile that made her laugh.
They were at the bottom of the stairs when Caleb turned to her. “I told you that Jacob was bummed. He’s not when you’re here.” He smiled. “You’re a good friend too, Bella.”
The doubt that slithered inside her heart evaporated and she could feel the tension in her shoulders melted away. “Thanks. Thanks, Caleb. I needed that.”
“Later.”
“Wha-.Jake.” She intended to protest but he put a finger on his lips and jerked his head toward the door.
“Someone’s coming.”
She stopped frowning at him to look over his shoulder but the open doorway was empty. An amused smile curved Jacob’s lips when she stared at him suspiciously. Just when she opened his mouth to berate him, Jacob lifted a hand in a counting gesture and just when his fingers disappeared into a fist, a hesitant yet polite knock interrupted their waiting silence. She could only roll her eyes when Jacob gave her a smug grin.
“Show off.” She muttered into her hair.
“Jake. The food’s here.”
“Thanks, Caleb.” Jacob called out, his fingers playing with the edges of her hair, twirling a strand around his fingers. His back was against the arm of the couch, his shoulders relax, his face; all smiles. It was as if his earlier tension was just something she imagined, she guessed the quicksilver moods and acting skills was essential in his life. When every annoyance and irritation can make you dangerous to yourself and others, you have to learn to control and forcefully change your moods.
She never gave him and the other werewolves credit for their struggle in controlling their other sides.
She watched a playful smile flutter on his lips, his eyes sliding to the door, the still empty doorway, she noted with a frown.
“Is there something else, Cal?”
She heard a shuffling sound, an uncomfortable cough. “Um, do you want me to close the door?”
She couldn’t understand why the simple question made Jacob choked out a laugh. “No, we’ll be downstairs in a minute.”
“Oh.” Another uncomfortable cough. “Okay.”
Bella waited until the sound of Caleb’s big, noisy steps reached the stairs before returning her questioning gaze to Jacob, she realized and was a bit embarrassed by how focused she must’ve been on Jacob that she didn’t hear the racket that Caleb must have made when he came up the stairs. “What’s that all about?”
Her eyes followed Jacob’s shifting back as he swiveled and stood and stretched, her eyes widening as she took in his size. She knew Jacob was big and tall but there were moments where she thought ‘woah, he’s big’. She noted that his fingertips nearly reached the ceiling but she blinked and focused on the matter at hand.
“Why didn’t he just come in?”
He shrugged but even with his back to her, she knew he was smiling.
“Jake.”
His dark eyes stayed on hers as he pulled her to her feet. “Caleb was just being helpful.”
“Wow, that explains everything.” She snarked but only manage to make him smile even wider. “Why did he offer to close the door…” It wasn’t actually his rather wickedly amused smile that turned her brain, it was more of her remembering the slightly embarrassed tone in Caleb’s voice, or the sound of his hesitation and the shuffling of his shoes. The thought was a smear of purple and blues on her blue, blue sky.
“He couldn’t possibly think that we were…”
Jacob grinned. “Could you really blame him?”
Bella sputtered as she felt heat rising up her cheeks, fueled by the look in his eyes. “Why would he…?”
Jacob rolled his eyes. “You’re a girl, I’m a boy. We’ve been here alone for four hours and it’s not like our feelings for each other’s a secret.”
Bella ignored the last part. “Four hours.” Her eyes flicked to her wrist watch and suppress a groan as her mind snagged on some other stray thought. “Was that what the loud music was all about?”
“Well, you know how these big buildings are. They’re quite…” Jacob flashed a wide grin, “…echoey.”
She pressed a hand on her face and could feel the heat pumping out of her skin as she let loose a smothered groan. “They can’t actually-“
“Oh, I think they can.”
She opened one eyes and glared at him. “You’re not helping.”
“Sorry.” The look on his face showed he was anything but and he threw an arm over her shoulders. “Come on. I’m starving.”
Bella’s eyes bugged and she dug in her heels, knowing it was a helpless move. “Are you kidding me? I’m not coming down there.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “So, we’ll stay here? Yeah, that’ll help.”
“I’m staying here. You, go down.”
He scoffed and bumped his hip to hers, frog marching her to the door. “I’m not going to leave you here alone, Bells.”
“Then I’ll just go home.”
If possible the grin grew even further and she felt the twisting sensation in her stomach lessen. If her embarrassment gave ground for Jacob to smile, even at her expense, so be it. She owed it to him, and she couldn’t stand to see him in pain like he was a few moments ago. Besides, she couldn’t even explain it to herself just how much she missed that smile.
Although, the fact that Jacob was giving her a pitying stare and was short of patting her head in a condescending, manly matter, bites.
“Riiiight. So, I sent you away after we did the deed. That’ll stop them from talking.”
“There is no deed and what do you mean anyway?”
He sighed, long and heavy and amused. “Really, Bells. All those books you’ve been reading haven’t really taught you anything, have they?”
She tried to grasp the door frame as he pushed her forward but he merely twisted her hands away, circling a hand around her waist and lifting her. “What do you mean—“ She gasped as the thought entered her mind. “You mean…they’ll think I’m…”
“Man, I’m starving.” Jacob put her down, took her hand and pulled her with him, making use of the befuddled state of her mind.
“…that I’m a…I’m a… booty call?”
Jacob sputtered and laughed so hard, he almost made them fall down the stairs.
He was still chuckling over it on his second helping of spaghetti and meatballs, ignoring the heel of Bella’s shoe on his toes. Probably thinks that I’m playing footsie with him, Bella griped, her eyes glaring at Jacob’s hulking frame. That thought, everyone else's snickers, and the sly, knowing looks and Jacob’s wicked amusement—he kept laughing every time their eyes met—made her cranky enough that when Quil made eyes to her lasagna she put her hands around her plate and said plainly, “Mine.”
Rejected but determined, Quil philosophically set his hazel eyes onto the other girl across the table. The girl smacked the back of his wandering hand with a spoon.
“Don’t even think about it, Quil.”
Quil’s impish face folded into the cutest, most helpless look that made Bella’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Aw, come on, Merce. Just one little bite.”
Mercy or Merce as she was introduced to her was the same age as Caleb and was in fact his best friend since childhood who also happens to be one of their Quileute part timers. The teenage girl scoffed. “One little bite from you and half of my lasagna will go missing.”
Embry sat back, patted his stomach and sighed in satisfaction. “Quil does have a big mouth.”
Everyone groaned at the suggestive smile on Quil’s face but before he could say anything offensive or disturbing or anything R rated, Caleb stuffed a forkful of his spaghetti to appease Quil’s mouth.
Bella ignored the war that ensued, paper napkins and delivery bags that were tossed around because she was all too aware of Mercy’s dark eyes on her. The girl was petite, with a slender build that was even shorter than hers, but small was definitely not the impression that she gave off. Even among the giant structures of Jacob, Quil and Embry—Caleb wasn’t so small either—the younger girl radiated this invisible charge that made her seem taller than she really was. Something that she probably needed, considering that she worked in a predominated male line of work.
Bella answered her sharp, weighing gaze with a polite smile.
“You’re Chief Swan’s daughter, right?”
She didn’t even bother to sigh, even when Jacob snorted over his ice tea, she merely took a bite of her lasagna which truly was excellent, her mind was busy cataloging the many spices that rolled on her tongue.
Mercy smiled, the subtle twitch of her lips lightening her dark eyes and making her so serious face into something sweet and impish. The contrast between one expression and the other was startling and strangely appealing. “I heard you often hang out with these miscreants.”
Quil sniffed. “Miscreants.”
Bella smiled, pulled by her smile. “They’re interesting.”
The smile stayed and Bella felt the warm glow of her approval run down her spine, the feeling similar to what Jasper could do but it wasn’t vampire powers or something like that. It was old fashion charm and overwhelming charisma.
“Interesting, huh?” She spread her gaze over Caleb and the boys. “Yeah, I guess.”
Bella wondered why Caleb who sat beside Mercy took one look at his best friend’s smile and paled, especially when her smile upped a few levels.
“I’ve heard a few things about you, Bella.”
Bella’s eyes lifted from her food. “Oh?”
“That you married young. 18, wasn’t it?”
Her smile froze on her face as did Jacob’s hand that was lifting his fork to his mouth. His face darkening, his eyes forming a straight, tight line. She didn’t need to turn her head to see that Quil and Embry to know that they were listening in on their conversation.
“Mercy.” Caleb’s voice was soft but filled with warning.
It was ignored.
Mercy cocked her head to the left, the gesture cute and harmless. “You know how people are. They talk.”
“They also tend to poke their noses into things that aren’t their business.” Jacob’s tone was low and careful. Bella’s heart tripped and quickened at the blank look on his face.
Mercy however, merely lifted her chin. “Which one? Her marriage or the fact that you’re fooling around with a married woman?”
“Merce, shut up.” Caleb leaned into her, hissing under his breath but Mercy was insistent, she threw her question like a challenge, “Well, which one?”
Bella kept her eyes on Mercy’s antagonistic stare even as she felt the blast of heat of Jacob’s anger, trying to find out why she was so angry and…hurt. Her concentration was broken by Quil’s worried whisper and with a look she saw why, Jacob’s hands were shaking.
His eyes seemed dark and endless, the skin around them tight.
It wasn’t just anger, it was pain. The sight of it pulled at the part of her that always wanted to protect Jacob from harm, which is pretty ironic since the only thing that was more dangerous to Jacob either than a vampire, or a fast moving truck, or a meteor falling into the atmosphere, with the ability to hurt him more than either of those things was her.
Bella Swan. Twenty three years old. Human.
The knowledge of that, edged on with guilt and smothered by love made her straighten her back and faced Mercy head on.
She didn’t care what other people thought of her but Jacob didn’t deserve the speculation. He did nothing wrong but be a good friend to her, it was more than she deserved, really.
Slowly, she lifted a hand and put it on top of Jacob’s shaking hands, drawing his eyes to hers. She squeezed harder and stared into his eyes, pulling him back from his anger. Her thumb soothed the shuddering skin until it stilled. She looked into his eyes until he blinked and took a deep breath, without taking her eyes from Jacob’s she answered Mercy’s question.
“Both.” She replied in a voice that sounded nothing like her; calm and certain. It jerked Mercy’s hostile gaze from their joined hands. Bella drew a small breath and was emboldened by the thankful smile in both Embry’s and Quil’s.
“Jacob’s right. What we do is none of your business. But—“ She continued when Mercy opened her mouth, her eyes sparking with temper. “I can’t let you or anyone think badly of Jacob. I won’t let my mistakes make people draw the wrong conclusion about him.”
She heard the tremble in her voice so it was obvious that Jacob heard it also. “You don’t have to explain, Bella.”
“Yes, I do.” She paused because it still hurt. Because, despite it all, there was still a deep, deep regret. “I’m not married.” She felt his hand tensed under hers. “I didn’t get married in the first place.” She breathed through the memories and through it, the ragged edges of pain. She focused on the heat of his hand, the subtle textures and the strength of the fingers that was pressed against hers. “There were…complications. Needless to say, we called the whole thing off. And here I am.” Her throat clenched around the words so she made a great show of looking at her watch. “It’s late. I think I should go. I’ll just get my bag from your room.”
“OK.” The softness and understanding in Jacob’s voice made tears pricked her eyes so she hurried out the kitchen, not meeting anyone’s eyes.
***
Bella stared at her reflection, wiping water off her face with one of the towels. Her eyes were darker than usual but other than that, she looked…well, she looked better than she thought. She rubbed a hand on her chest over the throbbing pain but she didn’t know whether to be grateful or sad or proud that she didn’t simply fold unto the floor at the thought of Edward and all that she had lost. In the past, there were days were she did, where great whopping panic attacks overwhelmed her and she welcomed it.
Today was not one of those days. Was not going to be one of those days. She’ll make sure of it.
For the first time, mostly, probably because of Jacob’s presence, Bella refused to succumb to the vindictive bite of sadness, the bitter pleasure of grief, to indulge her self in a bout of self pity. Jacob didn’t need to see her grieving over another man, even though he knew she loved Edward, he didn’t need to have it rubbed all over his face.
Although, the thought came and went in her mind, that was one way to established a line between them but she couldn’t bring herself to do that, at least not now.
Not when he was the only one she had.
Bella paused out of the bathroom door when she saw Caleb standing up from the Jacob’s overlarge couch, as if he was waiting for her; his face anxious and worried.
“I’m sorry. About Mercy.” His words stumbled all over each other.
She waved a hand. “It’s OK.”
“No, it’s not.” He brushed a hand over his longish dark brown hair. “She didn’t mean…well, yeah, she did mean. I mean…” Caleb huffed an aggravated breath that made Bella sympathized with how uncomfortable he looked. He gestured toward the couch, his dark eyes appealed her to listen. “Please, let me explain.”
Bella walked around the table and sat.
“Thank you.” He sat with his body turned to hers, so they could talk face to face. “She was upset, mostly, for me.”
Bella merely stared at waited for him to continue with a blank but pleasant expression on her face. He was twitchy and embarrassed and she wondered absently where Jacob, Embry and Quil went.
“Mercy’s protective.” He offered her a smile. “And considering how you slammed her down back there, I’m sure you understand.” He shifted on his seat, cleared his throat and as if he came to a decision, nodded. “My father cheated on my mother. A lot. Every time he got caught, he promised to never do it again, but he kept at it until three years ago.” He shrugged. “Only because he died.”
Bella didn’t really know what to say and if she did, how to say it so she focused on something else. “Jacob would never have an affair with a married woman.”
“I didn’t think…” He saw the disbelieving look on her face and smiled. “Well, yeah. Okay. It’s just that I heard you were married and I heard about you and Jacob, then I saw you together…”
“I don’t even think that you’ve seen us held hands until today.”
“Geez, I may be a sixteen but I’m not stupid, Bella.”
This time it was Bella who shrugged, a bit embarrassed when he rolled his eyes and gave her a look. “Anyway, Jacob is a sort of surrogate brother to me and Mercy knows that, that’s why…she also respects him a lot, you know. She saw that Jacob disappointed me and that hurt and disappointed her too, and then considering, you know, what Jacob is to us, we don’t approve of him getting it on with a married woman. Not to mention, affairs like that never ends well, and Mercy, no matter how strange she shows it, cares about Jacob…”
Bella sighed at the long, rambling yet well meaning speech. “Caleb, I’m not angry at her, especially now that I know she was only protecting a friend.”
Caleb stared at her face as if trying to find something that conflicted with her words but found none. “Thanks.”
Bella smiled at his evident relief. “You’re a good friend, Caleb.” He stood when Bella did but kept shuffling his feet that Bella paused and turned back to him. “Is there something else?”
“She hurt you.” The look on his face didn’t suit the tentative smile that bloomed on his face. “She could see that and she’s sorry, she really is but she might not tell you that.” His smiled grew crooked. “Her pride, you know, but she’ll make it up to you.”
Bella blinked and inwardly winced. “She doesn’t have to—“
“Mercy has a sharp tongue but she'll never intentionally hurt someone.” He paused and tilted his head. “Wait, what am I saying? I mean sure, of course she would go out and intentionally hurt someone but only if they deserve it.” He assured her with a grin. “And if she was in the wrong, she considers it a debt so, she owes you one. She’ll probably show up in your store and maybe help you out with something.”
“Is there any use in refusing?”
“No.”
Bella sighed deeply and hooked her bag on her shoulder. “All right.”
“She’s strong, you know. She can help you out with moving stuff or cleaning up and she’s pretty handy with fixing stuff up.”
Amused with how sincere he was, Bella spared him a smile. “Are you pimping your friend out to me?”
Caleb flashed a full blown smile that made her laugh.
They were at the bottom of the stairs when Caleb turned to her. “I told you that Jacob was bummed. He’s not when you’re here.” He smiled. “You’re a good friend too, Bella.”
The doubt that slithered inside her heart evaporated and she could feel the tension in her shoulders melted away. “Thanks. Thanks, Caleb. I needed that.”
No comments:
Post a Comment