The Passing Years-17Choices

Jacob gaped at the empty packages and tinfoils that was scattered over the counter tops.

"Jesus, Leah. Did you even eat at home?"

Leah licked the spoon to her chocolate pudding. "Seth got there first."

"You know, it is unfair for your mom to have to feed two werewolves. Good thing you’re quitting, at least you'll save your mom some money."

Leah pointed at him with the spoon. "That was actually one of the reasons why mom agreed with me." She shoved a mouthful then slid a sly gaze toward Jacob. "So, you never did answer my question."

"Which is?"

"Did you have sex with her?"

Jacob tossed his towel which she caught with ease. "Lay off, bitch."

"Flattery will get you nowhere." Leah commented primly.

She raised an eyebrow when Jacob eyed her closely. "What?"

"You're really going to do this."

"You thought I wasn't serious?"

"No, it’s just--" Jacob got himself a glass of water. "The moment you got it all out, your mood got better."

Leah blinked, deliberated than shrugged. "I guess." She considered what he said than nodded. "Yeah, I do feel better. Lighter."

Leah ate pudding. Jacob drank water.

"You gonna tell them tonight?"

"What? That you finally scored with Bella? Don't sweat it, Jake. Your secret is safe with me."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "I didn't, OK?"

Leah scoffed. "Lame." She two pointed the empty pudding container to the trash. "Maybe, I haven't thought of it, yet."

Jacob led the way outside and both of them walked towards the edge of the forest. "They're gonna wonder why you're not going on patrol as much as you used to." He frowned. "You do know you'll have to do it step by step, right? You can't go cold turkey right away."

"Aw, shucks, Jake. I hadn't thought about that. Good thing you're here to remind me." Leah bat her eyelashes at him." What am I ever going to do without you?"

"Bitch."

"Really, Jake. You're repeating yourself. It's sad."

Jacob snorted as he turned away and left her to phase. Mechanically taking off his trunks--already he felt the trembling on his skin, the shiver along his spine, the twisting knot of fire inside his stomach trying to break free--and looping it with the elastic thin rope on his left leg.

The air shimmered at the edges of his sight.

It wasn't like in the movies and between him and the pack, they've watched every werewolf movie ever made. There were no sounds of cracking bones, no stretch of muscle, no painful groans. The closest that Jacob can describe what it felt to phase was like taking a great deep breath after spending a long time underwater.

The sensation was very much like breaking the ocean surface, the desperate gasp to fill his lungs with life giving oxygen.

There was a kind of freedom in being wolf, the oh, so tempting feeling of being freed from all the restrictions and the complexities of being human, of what makes you human.

The minute his front paws touched the ground, his brother’s thoughts and voices whispered inside his mind. What they were seeing and smelling flashed beneath his eyelids and wafted to his nostrils. He saw them on the grounds and as they noticed his and Leah's presence--a ripple along their muscles--they lifted their heads and sniffed the air before letting loose a long howls that reached the sliver of moon that offered pale, pale light along the midnight sky.

Jacob opened his eyes and slid through the disconcerting feeling of the overloading of his senses, the shifting of his sight, mind and body.

The colors, the colors were different by his wolf eyes, and the night was more alive, even the trees, the ground were more alive.

Under his paws, the earth seemed to breathe and the wind sang its welcome.

It didn't take long for them to do the courtesy patrol, especially since both of them were so damn competitive and was determined to out run the other. Their brother's watched their race in their minds with laughs, hoots, sly jabs to the ego and hedged bets.

Howls and snapping growls ripped the air when they shot out of the woods into the rocky clearing where they usually hang out. A circle of trees that was overshadowed by the rising cliffs that loomed intimidating, reaching the moon with hard, bloodless fingers.

The wind was harder here, meaner and it whipped at their fur with sharp little bites. And when they run, it dissolves and mold together into a never-ending scream of symphony into their ears, goading them to go faster and faster.

Jacob's amusement reached the others when as she said, Leah immediately leaped and knocked Quil off his rump.

Why, you, Quil rolled himself to his feet and tried to snapped his jaw onto Leah's left paw but she danced nimbly away, her tongue lolling out provocatively. Her eyes a taunting glimmer in the stingy light. Quil snarled, Oh, it is on.

From the corner of his eyes, Jacob saw Sam inched forward as if to stop Quil from tussling with Leah but managed to get himself in control just in time because that would lead only to awkwardness and tantrums on Leah's part.

It has always been like that, even when Sam was Alpha, Leah had always managed to get the least hours, the most harmless of task which made Leah even more determine to nose into every dangerous situation she could find.

Jacob couldn't really blame him. Even when Leah was her bitchiest self, Sam couldn't help but soften, placating her and her shifting moods. It was more than guilt; when Sam sees Leah, he sees more than a friend, a pack mate, a werewolf but a woman, one that he had loved with all his heart once a upon a time.

He'd done anything he could to make it easier for Leah. He demanded nothing but her presence in pack meets and only in pack meets, he'd never expect her to join in their lunches and dinners in Emily's place and Emily herself stopped coming into elder meetings. It was made clear that all werewolf matters were Leah's place in Sam's life and vice versa.

Jacob remembered the look in Sam's eyes on his wedding day, when he saw the door opened and Leah--wearing a soft sea green long sheath that made her golden skin glow--walked beside him along the aisle. It was painful to see the way his eyes tightened, the way he dragged his eyes to the floor before snapping back to the door where Emily, ethereally beautiful in her ivory beaded dress, finally made her appearance.

To be so conflicted.

Jacob watched Sam’s body tensed when Paul tried to get a chunk of Leah’s flank, Leah’s play fight with Quil evolved into a royal-free-for all. Leah head butted Paul’s jaw, knocking his head to the side in a classic gesture of going for the throat. A snort and a rumble that was the wolf synonym of a chuckle tumbled out of Paul when she licked him instead. Jacob wasn’t surprise when Leah and Paul rubbed their jaws together in a gesture of respect and affection. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was that made them bond, maybe their tempers, maybe it was because both of them had trouble in controlling their phases, maybe because next to Leah, Paul was the runner up for the notorious throne of pack menace but Leah and Paul had an understanding that eluded all of them.

They could let their tempers flare and tried to annihilate each other like born natural enemies, but after it passed, they would sneer and elbow each other, thick like thieves...but then again, all of them were like that although Leah's and Paul's has a certain spite to their fights.

Jacob tuned out all of the creative and vindictive curses that streamed into his head and watched the blackness of their surroundings, letting his senses undulate and spread across the forest as all at once, the forest seemed to enveloped him in a dark, green cocoon.

Even the air smelled green.

His ears flicked forward, back, flattened to the side, sorting through the sounds of animals, traffic, people and the wind.

The glimpse of white paws pulled him away from his thoughts and he met Leah's golden eyes, her voice whispered in his head. Now.

Are you sure?, her voice was really just that, a whisper, a sign that she was shielding like a son of a bitch. Even then, their brothers cocked their heads toward them, curious, especially since she was blocking so hard.

She did the wolf equivalent of shrugging. Better now than later.

How do you want to do it? Human or wolf?

Better go with the wolf to make it official, Her lips pulled back from her teeth. Band-aid approach.

Both of them stepped closer to the crowd, Jacob ignored the wary look in Sam's eyes. It was Leah's decision so she should be the one to tell the news.

Eyes flicked back and forth from Jacob to Leah. Seth bounced on his paws, what? Did you guys find something?

Down boy, Leah gave her brother a look and she dug her paws into the ground, paused, and then in a decisive movement, flung her eyes and her words towards the pack. I'm going to stop phasing.

Jacob felt the news hit his pack like a wrecking ball; muddled thoughts and just overall noise filled their heads. There was a tingle of fear, a shuffle of envy and a sprinkling of shock spiced by hurt.

He sensed Leah stiffen beside him when pity spread from one mind to another, finally relaxing her body when understanding blanketed their minds.

He watched as the pack stared...and stared...and stared...then like somebody turned off the mute button, everybody began to talk at once.

What are you going to do?

You want to be normal? Typical.

Where's the fun in being ordinary, Leah?

Why?

Then as if Leah had somehow answered the jumble of questions without him noticing, they settled quietly and waited for her to talk.

Leah shifted on her paws. I don't know what I'm going to do. She shrugged. Return to college. Her lips pulled from her teeth in a sneer. Somebody has to have a higher education.

Snorts and chuckles greeted her teasing.

Leah squinted. Backpack through the country maybe. I always wanted to do that.

Paul rolled his eyes. You can do that now, as a wolf, it'll be faster and cheaper. He grunted. Although the backpack is going to be trouble.

But we can fashion one for you. Quil continued Paul's suggestion. I'm sure we can figure something out.

In their minds, an image of wolf Leah with a big saddle bag not unlike those that donkeys wear floated to the surface.

Amusement rippled at the image.

Gee, thanks, Quil.

Quil preened. Anything to help, sister.

I know one or two of you who won't miss me. Her eyes slid slyly to Embry.

Embry frowned in thought, I don't know. You sort of help me practice in controlling my anger. Now what am I gonna do?

Well, there's always Paul. Leah suggested.

Embry brightened. Oh, yeah.

Paul shook his head, his fur flopping to his eyes. Oh, man. You can't seriously leave me with these deadbeats. Who'll have my back? You know they're just waiting to take a chunk off my hide.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Paul. Leah's golden eyes wavered to Seth and nervous slicked her mind as she plopped her butt in front of him. A sweet sadness coated her insides when she realized that he was already so much bigger than her even in wolf form. Seth? You're quiet.

I already know.

What?

I heard you and mom discussed it a couple of nights ago.

Leah shuffled on her feet when Seth didn't meet her eyes. Listen, it's not like I'm gonna do it right away. It'll probably take years...

Don't worry about me, Leah. Seth finally lifted his head, his eyes, the same shade of Leah's crinkled in a reassuring smile. I mean it. It'll be good for you.

Leah saw Seth's eyes flickered to where she knew Sam was sitting, watching her. Besides, like you said, it's not like you're going right away and even then, you'll be visiting, right? In the holidays.

Leah nibbled his closest ear, awww, are you going to miss me, little bro?

Seth poked his muzzle at hers, escaping her playful affection but licked her to soften the sting after thinking a heartfelt, of course. You're my only sister.

Um, thanks. Touched and a bit taken aback by Seth's honesty, Leah settled into embarrassed silence which was broken by Brady's quick burst of, I'll miss you, Leah.

Amusement mixed in with Seth's cringing exasperation as he swung to Brady. Quit panting over my sister, you twerp.

I was just being nice, Brady's head hunched over his shoulders but straightened when Leah gave him a smile and a thank you.

Do not encourage him, Leah. Soon, he'll be sneaking over to our house just to get a glimpse of you. Seth snapped his jaws in annoyance of Brady's crush. Obviously he didn't like it when he had to endure someone fantasizing about his sister. As Seth and Brady bickered, other voices joined in.

Dibs on Leah's patrolling spot

Damn, I was going to call it.

You snooze, you loose.

GROUP HUG!

DOG PILE!!

Leah rushed out of Quil's way and escaped the tangle of limbs and fur. The sound of their curses, laughs and grunts only managed to emphasize Sam's complete silence even more. It was like he wasn't even there, he was blocking that hard.

Jacob exchanged a wary glance with Leah but snapped their heads toward their former Alpha when a growl rose deep from his chest, it shivered the moist air and rendered the pile of wolves silent.

The deep reverberating growl was angry and territorial but the human voice that pierced their minds was deadly calm. The sound of it made the other wolves detangle themselves and spread behind Jacob and Leah in a protective gesture.

Jacob, you can't possibly let her do this.

Jacob lifted his head, calm and cool. I already did.

You should've asked me first-

Why? Leah demanded. You're no longer Alpha. He doesn't need to ask you anything.

Sam's eyes stayed at Jacob's, his body trembling with anger but he knew, Sam wasn't angry at him. It took a long minute for Sam to finally, finally bring his eyes to look at Leah's.

The moment their eyes met, tension thickened the air. It was as if the entire undercurrent, all the crippling hurt and stabbing anger that had been ignored, avoided and banked down reared up in one sudden swoop.

Sam's black body towered and shifted in the shadows, as dark as Leah's was light. Her white fur shimmered silver in the sliver of moonlight that trickled down like star dust.

Black and white faced each other in the night.

So, that's it? Sam's body stilled as if he had suddenly clamped down on his emotions, the only thing that showed that he was alive was the glow of his dark eyes. You're just going to leave?

I need to. All of them could probably feel the hold that Leah had on herself, could see the wall that she had built in front of herself.

And if they could feel it, see it, so could Sam and heat poured over them in suffocating waves from Sam. He was angry, so angry.

And hurt.

Jacob gritted his jaw, knowing that this will not end well but really, this wasn't something that he could protect both of them from, or should. It was about time they duke it all out. A whisper of agreement and weary approval crept to his mind from the others.

You're needed here.

You guys don't need me. Not anymore.

There is a reason why our numbers are the biggest so far.

Then that reason better happen soon 'cause I've made my decision.

The snarl snapped from Sam's jaws, his anger blistering their minds. This is not something that you can decide for yourself--

I've asked for the council's approval, I've asked for my mom's blessing, I have my Alpha's permission. Who else do I have to ask? Leah scoffed. You?

Sam took a step forward and Jacob tensed. Is this what it's all about? Another one of your little punishments?

Get over yourself, Sam. This is not about you. This doesn't concern you.

Sam growled. This concerns the pack.

Leah growled back. That's funny. The only one who's voicing any kind of concerns here is you. She lifted her head, her white fur whipped in the howling winds. The decision to stop phasing is a personal decision as it had always been since Taha Aki himself. This is my decision and it has nothing to do with you. I want to have a life.

You have a life here.

Outside of the pack.

Than have it but stay in the pack.

Leah bared her teeth. Why should I?

Jacob could feel Sam's rising panic and the crack around his self control and blocking. Before he could do anything, the thought slipped from one of those cracks and rammed into all of their minds, Leah's specifically.

...because that's the only way that I can stay in your life...

To say that Leah took offense was an understatement. Her hackles rose and she ducked into an attack stance. A threatening growl trickled out of her razor sharp teeth.

Jacob stepped between them, stuck between two hurting hearts. Sam. Stop.

But Sam didn't hear him, he was trapped inside his own feelings, feelings that he struggled to contain but couldn't. His attention was focused on the white wolf behind Jacob, as if he didn't notice that the wolf was snarling and ready to rip his heart out. Leah, please.

Leah's snarls echoed louder between the grounds when images clashed into their brains. Images of a younger Leah; slender and soft with straight black hair that came down to her thighs in a sleek, dark trail. Echoes of whispered words and promises rained down their ears like morning dew as the images continued; Leah asleep, Leah laughing, her elegant hands, her skin in candle light, by firelight, by the morning sun.

Waves upon waves of emotion drowned them until their knees buckled and they could only resurface when the collage of memories stopped and focused to one.

Jacob noticed that Leah had stopped breathing and he could feel the snap of realization.

Ocean view, silky morning, the sun streaked the sky with pale colors, Leah's eyes were wide and filled with tears. Joy was evident in every angle of her face.

Leah growled, her jaws snapping, anger streaked their vision with red. No! Don't you dare.

Jacob hated to do it and he rarely had to do it but feeling Leah's pain and panic, he summoned the thing that made him alpha but he knew he was too late as Sam's speared the memory into their minds.

Leah's mouth opened as she moved to open her arms to embrace. “Yes, Sam. Yes. Of course, I'll ma-”

Jacob cursed when Leah's muscles bunched and with a terrifying roar, she leaped, her claws flashing. In one wild movement, she slashed Sam's chest before they could finally drive her back. Sam's blood splattered on the ground from her claws.

Never. Never again! Do you hear me, Sam? Never again!

Sam's regret, shame and guilt swarmed inside their minds mingling with the spice of Leah's bitter anger.

She was a streak of silver in the shadows when Sam finally shook himself and made a move to follow her but before Jacob could order him to stay, Seth planted himself in front of him. Animosity ringing in his growl.

Leave her alone, Sam. You've done enough. This ends now.

Unease vibrated in shadows, sharp stabs and tearing pain ripped at their hearts.

Sam's pain. Leah's pain. Their pain.

Sam stayed in place, his eyes following Seth's progress further into the woods. His mind shifting into Seth's to see Leah.

Stop it, Sam. Jacob ordered him, putting what made him Alpha into his voice, and just like that, Seth's mind was closed from Sam's. But the memories, the memories still tangled inside their mind and to escape it, to spare her, Sam could only phase back.

Jacob nodded. Everyone phase back, give Leah and Seth their privacy.

Jacob gestured to the others after they turned human with his head and they nodded and ran into the woods, back to their homes.

He returned his attention toward Sam who was wiping the almost drying blood on his chest. His fingers touching the raised skin that formed four new scars. He couldn't help but think of how appropriate it was; Leah's claws had tore through muscle and meat, right above Sam's heart.

She had done to Sam what Sam had done to her.

He watched as Sam closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the crippling pain of what was, and he suspected, what will always be the longing over something that you could never have.