The Passing Years-10Tension

After Charlie kicked the screen door open and walked inside with his hands loaded with stacks of Tupperware and plates covered with aluminum foils, Jacob leaned against the door so Bella could sidle in. He tried very hard not to smile or snicker at her glowering face; his own was pleasantly bland, even when she walked the length of the floor with huge, stomping steps.

He got what he wanted – Bella in his house. Rubbing it in would just be tacky.

When both of their dads retreated to the living room, Bella tackled the stacks of food, making a lot of noise, showing her displeasure to him without even saying a word.

He didn’t know plastic containers could make so much noise.

But he didn’t really mind. He watched her progress as he took out a carton of orange juice from the fridge. She was still pissed at him, but at the very least, she was comfortable enough, with him and with being in his home, to actually show she was pissed.

Even with Billy in the room.

Jacob slid his eyes toward their dads and found them facing him with similar curious looks. Their eyes flicked back to Bella and back to him as if to ask, ‘What’s wrong with her?’

In the ways of men, Jacob shrugged.

Charlie and Billy exchanged a wry look and returned back to the TV, raising the volume as if they wanted to give them enough privacy to talk.

He considered taking the opportunity, but thought against it because Bella was holding a very big knife. He didn’t really think she would actually use it on him, but all things considered – one of them being that she knew she could stab him and have him heal the wound in a matter of minutes – he thought it best to wait until she was far from any kind of sharp implements…or anything that could be used as a weapon, which was pretty much everything if you’re creative enough.

Bella always had a temper. It was nothing new – as were fights between them. He considered himself an amiable sort, easy-going, but yes, he also had a temper when pushed, and Bella, well, something about her always managed to push his buttons. He didn’t think he’d ever fought as much as with anyone as he did with her.

She could pull out the best and worst parts of him with a snap of a finger.

He sipped on his orange juice, training his eyes on the high bouncing ponytail that she sported this morning and reflected that it was the worse part of him that reared its ugly head yesterday. He’d intentionally goaded her and boxed her in. Not that anything he said yesterday wasn’t true. It was. It was the delivery that he regretted.

There was no use denying it. Jacob never really had a taste for lying, especially to himself. He knew why he did it, why he poked and prodded at her until she was flush with temper and insult.

He was jealous.

He brushed a hand over his face as sheer embarrassment turned his stomach. It wasn’t the fact that he was jealous per se that bothered him, it wasn’t even the fact that he was jealous over something as laughingly chaste as that playful peck she’d given Seth. What mortified him right to his bones was that as soon as he saw her press her lips to Seth’s, his hands had trembled in an all too familiar way and he’d wanted to shove his way through the crowd, snatch her away, phase and bite Seth’s head off.

He was okay with the jealousy; he’d gotten use to feeling it. He could still remember the acrid taste that swirled in his mouth whenever Bella mentioned his name, remembered the burning sensation in his chest when he imagined them together. He was too used to the jealousy for it to bother him. But to think that he’d thought to offer violence to one of his brothers, to a pack member, where he was Alpha, over something as trivial as a kiss, or that he could disregard their need for secrecy by phasing in front of a crowd of people, well, that made him sick to his stomach. Shame was an acid wound that sizzled against his skin, and shame had turned to anger and anger into blame.

And he had blamed her.

He didn’t at first. Angry as he was when he caught up with her—knowing something was wrong by the way she moved, the pounding of her heart, the way her eyes were too bright—he was more worried than angry, but then he saw it, the slide of her eyes, the stiffness in her shoulders. She was going to runaway again, the thought had passed his mind, and it blew a hole in the wall he’d built to surround his temper.

But regretful as he was, he couldn’t seem to regret the words he’d said. So he wasn’t going to apologize. She would just have to get over it.

With that conclusion, he padded barefoot to her side of the little kitchen, ignoring when she stiffened as he leaned his hip on the counter. She was stirring something on the stove that smelled delicious and spicy.

Something inside him softened as he watched her open a cabinet and take out a large glass bowl and prop it on the counter before opening the second drawer down to take out a wooden spoon. For someone who’d been absent from his life for four years, she looked pretty comfortable in his kitchen, not to mention that she still remembered where everything was.

“Are you not going to talk to me for the rest of the day?” He asked, leaning heavier into the counter so he could see her face better.

“No.” She answered shortly. “I won’t be here to not talk to you for the rest of the day.”

The smile that curved his lips at her first answer faded. “What do you mean?”

“Charlie’s going to drive me over after this.”

Yeah, Jacob mused inwardly as he felt the irritation come and go, she really knows how to push my buttons.

“Where’s your sister?” She asked, as if she knew he was about to say something scathing.

“She likes to take a morning run on the beach. She’ll probably arrive the same time as the others.”

Her hands stopped at that. “The others?”

Jacob grinned at the surprise in her voice. “Bella, surely you realize by now that food is a pack event.”

She spread her gaze to the stacks of containers that she brought, as if she was calculating for rations. He chuckled as she aimed them a baleful look.

“Don’t worry, backup is on the way. Emily is used to cooking for our bottomless pits.”

She lifted her eyes to him at that, as if she just remembered. “Emily.”

“Yeah, she wants to see you.”

“I didn’t see her yesterday. Sam, too.”

Jacob shrugged. “They haven’t got a lot of time alone and Emily hasn’t been doing well.”

He blinked when she pressed a hand on his arm. “What do you mean? Is she sick?”

The worry inside her eyes touched him…and amused him. “No, nothing like that. You’ll see.”

“So everything’s all right?”

Jacob returned his eyes to Bella’s brown ones and lingered. Somehow, he felt that she was talking about something more than just Emily and Sam. Her eyes didn’t waver from his, so he was able to read the confusion, the vulnerability, the desperation. Lie to me, they said. Lie to me and tell me that everything is going to be all right, that everything will go back as it was before – before monsters, before secrets, before us.

“No.” He answered, his voice clipped and brisk, it was more of a refusal than an answer.

She saw her eyes tighten before they lowered, and he felt a bitter kind of satisfaction coursing through him.

“I’m going back after this.” She told him, as if that was final.

Jacob picked a slice of cheese and brought it to his mouth. “We’ll see.”

Any kind of swift rejoinder from Bella was stopped when loud footsteps clattered over the front porch and voices crept closer. The door swung open and all hell broke loose.

**********************

She swept her brow and shook her head at the shriek that erupted from one corner of the forest, Colin or Brady, hell, it could probably be Quil for all she knew. She didn’t know how they could move with all the food they were shoveling into their mouths, much less run around the Blacks’ back yard. Seeing as the whole pack and family came, they took the breakfast event outside to the back yard with haphazard tables and mismatching chairs. Cutlery was scarce, so they made do with plastic spoons and paper plates that Emily brought over. Her eyes caught the now married couple sitting across from her and she remembered how Sam had approached her with somber eyes and quiet relief while Emily had enveloped her into an embrace, which of course was how she found out.

Emily was pregnant.

She was happy for them, of course, in fact, she was surprised at how happy she was. Her heart had bumped hard against her ribs, her throat had closed when she saw the bright glow Emily had as she laughed and rubbed her bulging four months’ stomach. Bella’s mumbled ‘I am so happy for you’, was earnest and so very heartfelt. She figured if anyone deserved happiness, Sam and Emily did.

And so did Leah.

Bella tried very hard not to look at Leah’s face when she realized Emily was pregnant, but couldn’t help but sneak a peek when everyone else was busy managing the chairs and tables. Leah eyes, when they landed on Sam and Emily, were still bitter, but no longer angry. Sad, wistful perhaps, but no longer angry.

I guess anger can only go so far, Bella thought.

“Bella.” Sue Clearwater called to her from the far corner of the table. “This pie is amazing.”

Bella smiled. “Thank you.”

Jacob snickered at her left. “She totally stole my recipe.”

She elbowed him in the ribs. “I did not.”

He ignored her digging elbow and forked the slice on her plate. She stared at him with disbelief. “Don’t you ever stop eating?”

“Sure. When I run out of food.”

Bella disgustedly shoved her plate in front of him. “Billy, how could you afford to feed him?”

Billy chuckled. “We take contributions.”

Sue and Charlie laughed when Jacob patted his flat stomach with a satisfied sigh. “Come on, Bells. Time to burn some calories.” Jacob pulled her by the hand to join the other pack members who were playing…some kind of game she didn’t know. She waited for her anger, her discomfort to rear its ugly head at the touch of his hand, but it didn’t. She was too full, too comfortable and too…happy to let their problems mar the day. It was uncommonly sunny for Forks and the air was, well, not as cold as it should. Golden threads escaped misty grey clouds to highlight the greens and browns of the earth’s surface. Laughter rode the air as did shouts and screams and curses, and it was hard to keep a sullen air about her with all the infectious playfulness of the pack. That’s probably why Jacob invited them, she thought grudgingly. Besides, she’d shrugged off the habit of wallowing in misery.

She felt a smile on her lips when Jacob looked back and grinned excitedly at her. “Come on, Bella. It’s about time you do this properly.”

She blinked, even as they followed the pack, Rachel and Kim jumped on the back of Quil’s and Embry’s trucks. Jacob deposited her at the back of Quil’s, along with the Kim and Seth, while he took his place in the cab with Quil.

“Sam, tell the parents we’re going to the beach.” he said and Bella twisted her back to see whether Sam had left the tables and was with them, but he was nowhere around. But then she realized that she was with werewolves, Sam could probably hear them from where he was sitting with Emily. With loud drumming and enthusiastic howls, Quil’s truck led the way to the beach.

*********************

Bella gulped and pushed her hair away from her face. “No.”

Jacob was shirtless and his skin gleamed in the misty sunlight, his hair whipping around like tattered velvet in the biting wind. He raised his eyebrows. “Why not?”

“Why not? You’re asking me why not?”

He looked at her, innocence radiating from his eyes. “Yeah.”

“Don’t you remember what happened the last time I tried this?”

“Well, last time, you were crazy, I wasn’t here, there was a storm coming and—” He ignored her choking protest and affronted looks then pointed up, “—you jumped from up there.”

She looked upwards without moving her head, knowing all too well what she would see. The looming, harsh cliff she insanely and desperately and stupidly jumped off all those years ago. It looked really, really tall, the way it slashed at the sky like a black, daunting arrow. She shuddered as she remembered dark water closing in on her, the boiling sensation in her lungs. “Okay, point. But…” She inched cautiously towards the end of the lower cliff they were on, although it seemed more reasonable than the higher one, it was still very, very high. She looked down from the edge and saw the pack and crew fooling around in the water under them, their laughter echoing in her ears. The ground shifted between her feet and she hurriedly stepped back, shaking her head. “No.”

Jacob’s face crumpled into disbelief. “Aw, come on, Bells. You can do it.”

She crossed her hands in front of her, her face settling into stubborn lines. “I can. But I won’t.”

Jacob walked towards the edge and shouted against the wind. “Guys, I think Bella needs a little encouragement.”

Instantly, shouts filled the wind. “Come on, Bella. Don’t be a coward.”

“The water is freezing cold. You’ll like it. Very refreshing.”

“You jumped before, dig and find your inner stupid.”

“Sharks, Bella. Sharks. Remember Jaws?”

At one point, a choir of clucking chickens reverberated up the stones and blazed her ears. She scowled at Jacob, who laughed uproariously until he had to sit down.

He sighed when she frowned even more. “Fine. Be a party pooper. You can stay up her here and watch us have fun.”

She sniffed. “I’m not going stay here. I’m going to the beach and have fun there, building sand castles.”

Jacob sneered. “Fine. Say your goodbyes.”

Bella turned and inched toward the edge, bending over to shout her goodbyes. “Sorry, guys. I’m not gonna…juUUMP!”

Bella’s screech reached glass-breaking octaves as Jacob ran quickly toward her, whipped a hand around her waist and jumped with her in tow, all flailing limbs and horrified screeches. Her screams lasted a few seconds until they hit the water in a smooth, long splash. White bubbles, made silver in the darkness, enveloped her body, and deathly panic would have set in if not for the hot iron band on her waist, pulling her upwards with smooth, powerful strokes.

Laughter sneaked through the pounding of her blood in her ears as they broke the surface, ripping away the claustrophobic vacuum of the sea, her wide open eyes met Jacob’s bright laughing ones that peeked from the wet darkness of his hair while she fought to breathe. Her fingers skittered over his skin when she scrambled against his body, winding her limbs around him in search of warmth—the water was freezing—and safety.

“So, was it as good for you as it was for me, Bells?” He chuckled at her, as if Bella wasn’t clinging to him like he was the last solid thing on a ground that was breaking.

“I’m… going… to… kill… you.”

Obviously her threat wasn’t much, because the pack laughed at her then left them to their own devices. “That threat would probably have a little more bite if your teeth stop chattering.”

“Never…do…that…again.”

His grin widened. “Admit it, it gave you a rush.”

Bella gritted her teeth in vexation, the adrenalin rush was starting to fade and the memory of her horrified screams embarrassed her. He was a churning heat against her cold body. His skin slick and tight under her hands. She could feel his thumbs moving against her waist, and she felt her blood hum with awareness.

“Yeah, sure. So will…this.” She planted her hands on his shoulders and pushed, dunking him.

Bella’s laugh was a wild thing in the air that trembled to a stop when she felt something catch her feet. She kicked her feet when he caught her ankle and pulled him under with him.

Eyes met in the dancing shafts of light that bend and twist, here where words were useless and meaningless, they grinned at each other with childish delight; impish and mischievous. Years fell through, connections and bonds burned bright and steady, and side-by-side, they swam through liquid beauty toward the restlessly moving legs of their friends. A battle of slick bodies and restless limbs broke under water as one by one, they relinquished themselves to the power of the water, pausing occasionally to take breath.

************************

It was close to midnight when Bella finally made it to her store. Jacob had apparently won this time, and she wasn’t really sure that she wasn’t grateful he did. She felt…alive. Sure, her bones ached, her skin felt stretched and gritty with salt, her limbs were heavy and she had to fight really, really hard to not fall asleep in Jacob’s black Impala, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have fun. She poured hot tea into a cup and turned, Jacob was a palpable energy inside her apartment. He didn’t even look tired, she groused as her eyes scrutinized him, he was perusing the bookshelf that covered her bedroom wall from ceiling to floor. If she felt any discomfort that he was in her bedroom, well, it couldn’t really be helped, there were no walls to part or doors to close. He had already changed into a sky blue T-shirt and blue jeans that were frayed at the legs, making her wonder whether he had any jeans that weren’t frayed. She doubted it, and it wasn’t like she really cared. Jacob was like her in that department, they cared more for comfort than fashion. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t look good in it anyway.

Bella winced as the thought speared her mind.

Jacob turned and walked toward the low yellowish-brown couch that she pushed against the foot of her bed, facing her media center. The TV was currently on, letting loose a low hum of conversation and laughter. She gave the cup to him as he sat and flicked the remote then walked back toward the kitchen at the far side of her wide-open apartment, opening the three windows that almost took all the space of the east wall as she walked by.

She didn’t really know why he followed her in, and couldn’t really say why she didn’t tell him no. She was tired, it was the dead of the night, so many reasons to send him home, but she didn’t even think about saying them out loud. The whole day had progressed like this, where they slid in and out of their old habits of uncomplicated affection into intense, scalding awareness, but even as the tension between them vibrated and thrummed in the air so much and the pack had watched them with knowing and unreadable eyes, the sense of comfort didn’t lessen.

She sensed him at her back and turned. His eyes were a dark depth on his handsome face and they focused on hers with an intensity that tightened her insides.

Oh, yes. That’s why, she thought. Her eyes fell to the necklace that she gave him and felt the now almost familiar pleasure that surged inside her every time she saw it against his skin. She wondered whether he felt the same each time he saw his bracelet on hers.

Jacob watched her fingers on her mug tighten for a fracture of a second before they loosened again, but she still held her breath, as if she knew something was going to happen.

“We should talk.” He said and watched her eyelids flutter down to her mug, still held in front of her body like a shield. And he hated it, hated it as much as he could hate an inanimate thing, hated that she thought she needed protection from him.

“Okay.” She whispered and put down her mug on the counter at her hip, but keeping one hand curled around it.

He waited until her eyes returned to him and when they did, he felt the pull at his stomach, which spread to his fingertips. “Bells—” He stopped, cursing himself for being a masochistic fool, but he needed to know. He rolled his shoulders, trying to shrug off the needling voices in his head. He felt his face smooth into the façade that always managed to keep his emotions in check and saw the hurt bloom in her eyes.

“Do you still love him?”

He heard her breath catch, saw the tremble of air that paused between the small opening of her pale pink lips. He saw them close, saw the ripples of emotion in her eyes before she opened them again. “Yes.”

Short, succinct.

Lethal.

Jacob sucked in a breath and nodded while he concentrated his focus on something other than her face. He knew that for a fact and he’d accepted it, but the fact that she was in love with another still burned.

His eyes returned to hers and saw her fear; fear that he would turn away and leave. He saw her spine crumbling in resignation and acceptance. He realized that she was willing to let him go. The problem was that he wasn’t so willing.

“Do you still love me?”

Her eyes widened, her mouth opened and closed. Again, her breath paused inside of her throat, but her eyes softened when they landed on his face. “Yes.”

Jacob felt his heart swell, threatening to burst out of his chest before it returned into its normal size, turning and sighing deeply inside its home.

Pride never was a comfort for him, so he didn’t try to hide his words or change their meaning. “Are you going to leave me again?”

He saw the hesitation on her face, but her lips firmed. “I don’t know.”

“If I ask you not to?”

Her eyes closed, slowly, painfully. “Don’t.”

Jacob watched the wide space between them, an empty space that was filled by more than air; ghosts, words and actions piled deep and high, forming a wall that was as hard and solid as the walls that surrounded them. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t – wouldn't – scale them.

“If I ask you what happened between you and him, will you tell me?”

There was no hesitation, though her answer was dragged and stilted. “Yes.”

Jacob nodded and took a deep breath, the scent of apple tea and the sea that rose from their skin swirled deep inside his chest. His eyes wavered out the window, but the truth was, he didn’t really see anything but her, her, her.

The slow ticking of the clock and the hum of the fridge filled the silence.

“Jake.” She paused and swallowed audibly. “Are we…are we okay now?”

He felt her breath as if she was pressed against him and his mind returned to when she was pressed against him; wet, shivering, angry. He idly indulged in the fantasy and felt her words brush against his skin, raising the fine hairs at the back of his neck. What was the harm, really?

“Sure, sure.”

She blinked when he took three long strides, shortening the distance that stretched between them. “We just have to get this one thing out of the way.”

“What?” She tilted her head up as he came closer, but Jacob didn’t bother to answer, he merely reached

out a hand and kissed her.