She didn't find him in the kitchen.
She didn't find anybody in the kitchen.
With the lack of food, it was deserted but for the scatter of tissue balls and empty delivery bags and containers.
She paused in her search to tidy things up.
She didn't find him in the communal room, instead, she was accosted by two soccer moms and a grandmother who asked her if her store delivers, she gave them her card.
She didn't find him in the garage among the lines of cars and working mechanics.
Relief washed inside her in one sudden swoop though it didn't last long enough for her to enjoy it since his absence worried her.
“He's just in the office, taking care of some paper work.”
Bella turned to her left at Quil's voice but didn't find him there, a gentle tap at the top of her sneakers made her jerk away but looking down she saw Quil's amused grin just inches from her feet. His head poked out from beneath a black Mercedes that looked eerily similar to
“Hey, when you said go, do you mean to Charlie's house or back to
Bella hitched her bag on her shoulder. “
She frowned when he tsked and shook his head. “You can't.”
“I can't.” Bella figured she looked as hostile as she sounded when Quil grinned mischievously at her, his hair flopping down to his eyes.
“I didn't mean that we won't let you or anything. You just can't, shouldn't. There's a storm coming.”
She blinked. “A storm? Her brown eyes swept to the wide open garage doors and took stock of the clear blue, blue sky before returning them to Quil's bright eyes. “A storm.”
He shrugged. “It might not look like it right now but it'll hit less than an hour from now, you'll be stranded, alone, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere.”
“This isn't just some evil plot that you devise to make me stay?”
The tips of his lips pulled up in a winsome smile. “Now why would I do that?”
They stared at each other until without even looking, Bella could feel Jacob at her back, a whirl of energy and heat. “There is a storm coming. If you still want to go back, I'll drive you.” He offered, stopping at her elbow, looking down at her with inscrutable dark eyes.
“Aren't you supposed to be working?” She asked him, hesitant on making a decision.
He brushed a hand on his already dry hair and she felt a twinge of envy as she felt the damp strands of her hair clinging to her back. “With the storm? I don't think so. We're closing early, a skeleton crew on site to deal with any emergency calls.”
She lifted a brow in question.
“For people, stranded in the storm.” Quil explained with a much too innocent expression on his face.
“Fine.” She sighed. “I'll stay at Charlie's.”
The silence between Jacob and Bella was filled with Quil's humming and interested flicks of his hazel eyes. Caleb skidded to a stop when he saw them. “Hey, Bella, you're going back, right? There's a-”
“Storm coming.” Bella cut him off, her tone, low and dull.
“We know.” Jacob and Quil said simultaneously to Caleb's twisted, annoyed face.
“I hate it when you do that. How do you always know?”
Quil lied back on the creeper and scooted back under the car he was working on. “Isn't it obvious,
Caleb scoffed and stomped off in a huff.
***
When he held his hand out to her and asked for the keys, she considered putting up a fight, it was as if he didn't quite trust her to drive herself up to Charlie's, as if she'd be dumb enough to stubbornly make the journey up to
She conceded the keys graciously, although she watched—with great amusement and smugness—his effort in folding his substantial build into Lulu's compact car.
He slid the seat back as far as it could go and sort of hunkered over the steering wheel. She couldn't quite hide the snicker when he tried to adjust the rear view mirror and failed since he was just too damn tall.
Not that he needed it, she mused. She remembered another person that didn't need all the props that mortals like her did. The last time she saw Edward played inside her mine, she saw, again, the bitter relief in his light eyes, the ancient grief that curved his lips. There were no denials, no accusation and no blame in his words. There was only understanding.
Which was worse, somehow.
The thought of Edward made her slide a guilty glance at the man who was sitting beside her.
She shook her head to get rid of her thoughts, and caught his attention.
“I think I need some candles and batteries.”
He kept her eyes on hers even as he made a turn and she knew he wasn't fooled.
****
Bella didn't know which was worse; the way Jacob ignored her nervous, waiting looks or the alarming anticipation that she felt for the inevitable questions that was coming.
“Do you feel like cooking?”
That question took her off guard. “We just ate.”
A small smile appeared on his face. “For dinner, Bells.”
“Oh. No, not really.”
“Take out then.” He shifted gears with a move so smooth and easy that Bella had to stare. “We already had Italian. Thai? Chinese?”
“Chinese would be nice.”
She saw him take a glance at the dashboard clock. “Charlie will still be in his office. Want to take some for him to?”
Shame slicked her insides, she hadn't thought of that. To be honest, she hadn't thought of Charlie or of dropping in to say hi. She fought not to squirm in her seat. “Yeah. Um. Good idea. We should do that.”
***
So, armed with boxes of Chinese food, they cruised to the Police station. “Hey, how do you know Charlie will still be here?” To lighten the tension that seemed to rise with every passing second, she gave him a teasing smile. “You memorized his schedule or something?”
The smile was for naught. “I drop in from time to time. Check up on him. “ He parked the car in a perfect straight line. “I thought he was alone.”
Bella watched Jacob's hand twist the key and turned off the engine, eager to get the conversation running. “He was, I rarely come to Forks. Between the business and...” She stopped as she realized the delicacy of the topic.
“Me.” Both of his hands clenched tightly on the steering wheel before he picked up the delivery bags in sudden, abrupt movement.
“I didn't mean it the way it sounded.”
“I think your meaning is pretty clear. You were avoiding me.”
“I didn't. I just, I was still...if I came back it would give you the wrong idea.”
“So you avoided me for my own good. Gotcha.”
Bella opened his mouth to say something, anything but he was already getting out of the car. ”Jake-”
She stumbled out of the car and had to run to match his long, swinging steps, in a desperate move, she took hold of his arm and felt the muscles tighten under her fingers. “I'm not going to apologize. I did what I had to do.”
His face was still averted, her posture tense and angry. “Fine.”
She pressed her fingers on his skin harder until he sighed in exasperation and tossed her a glance. “What?”
“Thank you, for taking care of Charlie.”
His body language relaxed. “Charlie's family.”
She felt her heart turned inside her chest. “I know. That's why--thanks.” She let go of his arm and squelched the urge to wring her hands. “That's all.”
His eyes focused on hers but there wasn't a speck of emotion in them. They weren't dead or empty exactly, just shuttered and closed off, at least from her. She watched his back as he turned away and following him inside, brushed the palm of her hand against her shorts.
It was burning.
***
Charlie was busy on the telephone when he spotted them standing outside his office. He crooked a finger at them, his pleased smile widen at the sight of the paper bag that Jacob plopped on his desk. With a brisk but pleasant goodbye to the other person on the line, he put down the phone.
He opened the bag and sniffed, sighing with pleasure at the scents that emanated from the bag. “Thanks. Both of you are life savers. I missed lunch and will probably be stuck here for God knows how long.” He gave Bella, who took a seat beside Jacob, a considering look. “Heard you were in town, intended to call you.”
She didn't bother to ask him 'from who?' things like these had a way of going around, small town and all, so instead she asked. “What's up?”
“I'd rather you stay at Forks tonight, an announcement just came, there's a--”
“Storm tonight. “ She cut him off, all the time refusing to look at Jacob. “I heard.”
“Yeah?” Charlie dug out a spoon and opened the little white containers, deciding on fried rice. ”You heard it in on the radio or something? It just came out like seconds ago.”
The look she gave Jacob and the small, smug smile on his face made Charlie laugh. He pointed a spoon at Jacob before scooping up a mouthful. “You boys could make a fortune predicting the weather. “ He eyed the younger man and narrowed his eyes. “Know what the weather is going to be on my fishing trip next Sunday?”
Jacob crossed his long legs at the ankles, knee bumping against Bella's. “Don't know, yet. I'll call you as soon as I do.”
Bella brushed her slowly drying hair and pulled out a scrunchie from her bag and began braiding her hair, all the while, she watched her father and her sort of best friend exchanged wide grins and catches each other up on, she guessed, the last couple of days that they hadn't seen each other. It occurred to her, that to Charlie, Jacob was probably the son he never had. Jacob certainly spent more time with her dad than she ever did, considering that Billy had known Charlie since forever. There was a bond there, something that had existed between man and boy and had only strengthened through the years.
Was it really any wonder why Charlie had always sided with Jacob over Edward?
“Now, Bella, I don't want you alone in the house with a storm coming in.”
Bella blinked at the abrupt shift in the discussion.
“Why would I be alone? You'll be with me, right?”
Charlie's shoulders hunched as a mournful look crossed his face. “I'm sorry, honey. I have to stay here and patrol, with the storm and a probable blackout people will go crazy.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “Well, it's all right, I'll be fine on my own.”
“I don't want you to be alone.”
“If there's any trouble, I'll call you.”
“I'll be out patrolling all night, and the telephone lines could go down.”
“I'll use my cell and call dispatch.”
“Who can be certain that those things won't fail on you?” Charlie scowled at the thought of cell phones. He didn't trust them. “You should stay with the Black's.”
“What? No.”
She ignored Jacob's raised eyebrow.
“Why not? They won't mind.”
Jacob smiled at the way Charlie took for granted that his family wouldn't. Well, he's not wrong.
“Because...” Bella grasped for an idea. “You said it yourself, people will probably go crazy. Somebody needs to watch the house.”
Charlie gave her a bland stare and aimed a look at Jacob who gave him a small smile.
“It's not like there's going to be anyone at home, Charlie. Rachel will be at Leah's, they're as thick as thieves nowadays and dad will probably be at Old Quil's.” He grinned. “Nobody wants to be in that old house when there's a storm coming. It'll fall on our heads.”
Charlie chuckled and sipped coffee from his thermos cup. “Well, all right.” He conceded and Bella sighed in relief...seconds too early because Charlie focused his deceptively soft eyes at her. “Then Jake, you'll just have to keep her company.” Just as Bella was about to protest, Charlie beamed at them good-naturedly. “It'll make me feel so much better to know that you'll be well taken care off.”
Her words of protest scattered inside her mouth, well maneuvered into a corner, she could only nod in her agreement.
***
She slanted a look to Jacob whose silent demeanor didn't even so much as crack since they left Charlie's office. “Sorry.”
“For what?”
“Having him box you in like this.”
He shrugged. “Might as well, I wasn't planning on leaving you alone. This way, I can do it without playing hide and seek later.”
“Oh.”
“Besides, he's right. All sorts of things happen in storms and I'm not talking of the human factor.”
“You mean...”
“Something about storms attracts them.”
She remembered the Cullens and their baseball games.
“With the noise and the people panicking, it's easier for them to pick us off.” Bella smothered a wince at the casual way he said that. “And it's not like the weather bothers them.”
“Then shouldn't you be out there, patrolling?”
“I will. Leah will stay with you.”
This time she didn't bother to hide the wince. “She doesn't have to, you know.”
“I'm not leaving you alone, Bells.”
“Then can't you leave me with Seth?”
There was a shadow of amusement in the look that he sent her. “Why?”
“You know why. Leah hates my guts.”
“She doesn't hate you. Not exactly.” He amended.
“A lot you know.”
“We need Seth.”
“And you don't need Leah?”
“She's taking herself out of circulation for now.”
“Why? Is she okay?”
Jacob sent her a considering look before shrugging off the question.
Silence fell between them again when they arrived home.
She watched Jacob opened the door with his own key. “Charlie gave you a key.”
“Like I said.” He shuffled the groceries from one hand to another. “I do a lot of dropping by and passing deliveries between our fathers. It's easier this way.”
She settled in the kitchen to pull out the candles and rummaged for the emergency lights and flashlight she saw gathering dust in some dark corner while Jacob moved around the house, checking for open windows and such. When he came back to the kitchen, he saw that Bella was standing in front of the fridge with a frown on her forehead. “Do you think I should pack the meat and fishes into the cooler now or later?”
“Later, when the lights actually go out. Just in case it's going to be a long one.”
She closed the freezer door and opened the fridge. “Want a soda?”
“Got any beer?” A smile finally made its way to his eyes when she sent him a sidelong glance.
“I'm twenty one, Bells.”
She colored. “Right. She pulled out a can of Charlie's beer and handed it out to him, for herself, she pulled out a jug of ice tea. Looking out the window, she saw and heard that the wind was starting to pick up its pace, dragging branches along her windowpane. Hunting for a glass, she shuffled across the floor, trying to ignore the white elephant in the room.
Especially when it started dancing to the beat of her heart.
“You want me to get some sheets and pillows?”
“What?”
“You won't be comfortable staying in your room with Leah, or be comfortable leaving her alone in the living room like a guard dog. You'll be better off in the living room. Neutral territory.”
“Oh. Yeah. I'll do it.”
Jacob's sigh was filled to the brim with exasperation, he nudged her away from the stairs. “Let's save any injury for later in the evening, alright?” He was already padding upstairs before she stepped out the kitchen. “Nuke the food and I'll lay the sheets in front of the TV.” He said from up the stairs.
***
Bella eyed Jacob over her sweet and sour chicken, his battered motorcycle leather jacket was off, discarded carelessly on top of the sofa, his shoes were tossed haphazardly on one corner. He sat on the floor, his eyes on the TV, its volume set on low while he picked his way through his eggs rolls, making a point of ignoring her, and her anticipatory looks.
Outside, the wind was howling with displeasure, tapping cold, cruel fingers across the windows, doing nothing to ease her nerves.
She slapped her chopsticks on the floor and glared at the TV.
Jacob stopped chewing long enough to ask, “Something on your mind?”
“Something on your mind?”
“A lot.” He shrugged, his face blanked from all emotion. “But considering you've been holding everything in for, what is it, two months now without every saying a word, I figured you don't want to talk about it.”
“This is about me not telling you that I wasn't married?”
He stared at her for a full minute. “Obviously you don't think that's important enough to tell me.”
“I didn't-I wasn't-It wasn't on purpose.” She finished lamely.
“What? Hiding it from me? Like not telling me that you've been living in
Bella firmed her lips. “You didn't ask.”
“You should've told me.”
Bella didn't know whether to be relieved or distressed at the first display of his anger. She watched as restrained anger darken his eyes, tighten his jaw, stretching his skin across his high cheek bones.
But Jacob kept his eyes front, his body language tight and tense.
“You knew I would want to know.” He speared his chop sticks inside the little white box because breaking it would be so easy. As it was so easy to rage, to let loose the burning anger that was flaring up and down his spine as his heart bled.
So easy to run.
But Jacob had already learned this lesson. It was proven to him quite brutally that when it came to Bella Swan, the werewolf super powers didn't make things better, no amount of super speed could make him outrun her and no amount of super healing could avoid him from getting hurt.
And he'd learned that only way that he could ever leave Bella, is when she leaves him.
Pathetic, to be sure, but fact.
QE-fuckin'-D
“You think that I like keeping secrets from you?”
“It crossed my mind.” He snapped back.
Temper streaked sharply inside Bella's head. “So I should've just told you I wasn't married. Plop the news like it wasn't important. Oh, and another thing Jake, I'm not married. Let's have cake.” Sarcasm dripped and pooled at her feet. “And what? What would it have done? Don't you think it's difficult, hurtful and embarrassing for me to admit that? Especially to you?”
“Hurtful? Embarrassing? Difficult? How do think you I feel? You think it doesn't hurt me to find out that the girl I love hid herself away from me for four years? That I didn't feel useless that she didn't want me? You think it hasn't been difficult or embarrassing for me to try to explain, to myself and to the pack how I could just accept you back?”
“You don't know the situation. What could I have done-”
“You could've told me. You could've come to me all those years ago.”
She scoffed. “You'd like that, won't you? For me to fall into your arms, weeping. Once again, Jacob Black to the rescue. You would've like to tell me I told you so-”
Bella jumped when he slammed a hand on the floor and she swore she heard something cracked but she didn't take her eyes away from his averted face. She regretted it when slowly, Jacob turned his face to hers, the impact of his eyes on hers singed her skin. “Where do you get off, talking to me like that?” His voice was low and even, his stature tense and still. “You know I wouldn't have done anything of those things. I would've helped you, taken care of you.” He bit off out of clenched teeth. The nature of his words so opposite to the swirling violence in his eyes.
It was like all her mistakes, all of the hurt she had done to everyone she loved nested right inside those eyes, and the look pricked and slashed at her heart and she lashed out at it. “That's exactly why I didn't. You were my problem. I didn't want to need you. I didn't want to love you.”
A flash of lightning followed by a crack of thunder hit so close, it rattled the windows and beat along their skin, quickening their hearts, but maybe, that was just the result of the words that echoed between them, inside them; bouncing off their chest, breaking and shattering hearts.
As if responding to the moment, the lights cut off and for the seconds where darkness reigned and chased away by the brutal glare of the emergency light that turned on automatically, Bella and Jacob kept their eyes on each other.
“Ah.” Jacob's voice was soft as she stared, as she couldn't move away from the raw, naked look on his face. Like watching a train wreck, some kind of unnatural disaster. “That changes things.”
Her lips trembled, the words that she had uttered, stung her lips and burned her throat.
“You regret loving me.”
Her breath hitched and her eyes watered but she couldn't blink, she couldn't move, all she could think of was to rewind the last few minutes of their conversation.
“You said that I don't know your situation.“ He moved, inching his upper body so he faced her, his eyes were even darker in the shadows, the bright light at the corner only seem to throw even more shadows across his face. “You don't know mine.”
It hurt, hurt to meet his eyes, to see the emotion that blossomed darkly like a postmortem bruise. “That was what you were really asking, right? Back at the garage. How it was for me without you? Well, I'll tell you.”
Instinct made her shake her head, to try to back away but he reached a hand and held firm, pulling her closer, the sheets slid under her feet, making it easier for him to hold her, right where he wanted her.
“When news of you didn't come, when you chose not to tell me anything...I thought you were dead.” He bit off the words though the husky, rich texture of his voice, the voice that she loved so much, was still low, taking a whispery tone that was more suited to tell bedtime stories about princesses and happy endings. He pulled her closer until there were face to face, until she was kneeling in the space between his long legs. “You know why?” He asked softly, intimately, sending shivers across her skin. “Because the Bella that I knew, vampire or human, she would have sent me news. Nothing short of death would've stopped her.”
Bella stared into his eyes, mesmerize by the sparks she saw in there, she didn't move away when he lifted a hand and touched her neck, his thumb brushing the soft skin that hid her pounding heart beat. "So when you didn't. I assumed you were dead.” Her breath hitched, caught in her throat as tears welled. ”I wanted war, I wanted revenge, I hungered for it but things as it were...Well, I didn't get it.” His eyes shimmered with memory, with emotion as it swept her face. “I mourned you. I grieved you until I thought I would die from it.”
She didn't, couldn't stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks, he smiled; faint, amused, not at her but of some far off memory. “I didn't really understand your out of character recklessness, that bit about the motorcycles. I was game, but I didn't understand it. But I understand now. The pain, it was unbearable but the numbness, well, that was something else." His hands; hard and rough slid up and down her arms. “I threw myself into the pack, into the hunt because that's what I was doing. I wasn't protecting anymore, I was hunting. I hunted down and killed as many bloodsuckers I could find. I really honed my animal instincts.” The smile on Jacob's face was wild and fierce. “Whored myself a little.” Bella closed her eyes when he swept his fingers in her hair, loosening it from the braid, she opened them back up when he tighten his hold on her hair, when one of his hands, cupped her neck, a scalding heat on her nape. “Apparently, a lot of girls consider me attractive. It was another release, another escape. It didn't last long as I got tired of it.” Her eyelashes fluttered when he drew her fingers to his mouth and kissed each fingertip, than just laid his lips on the back of her hand before rubbing it on his cheek. “I finally built a garage with Embry and Quil, helped with the tribe, became Alpha...”
She pressed her lips together when he returned his fingers to her hair and brought their faces so close, their noses touched. There was no mistaking the pain in his eyes. “...but you were an aching, open wound inside me, Bells, and it didn't hurt less through the years. Time didn’t heal,“ He continued as he slicked a finger on the curve of her cheek. “...it did nothing but pass.”
His eyes grew intense and sharp as the soft yet bitter look on his face turned to anger once again. “But even, with everything that happened, everything I went through, not once, not even a minute, a second, have I ever regretted loving you.”
“Jake.” The name was a sob in her throat but he wasn't listening.
“You know why I take so much crap from you?”
She stared, that was the only thing she could do at this point.
“Because I know that you love me back. I forgive you for not telling me and for saying that you regret loving me and all the unnecessary pain you put us through because I know just how much you love me.”
The pressure in her chest was painful and his words were adding to it.
“And because I know, you might feel like you should feel regret for loving me out of guilt or misplaced loyalty or whatever but you don't. Not really, not if you were honest.”
His hands were tight on her skin, but it wasn't painful, what made fresh tears welled up in her eyes was the bright sheen in his eyes, the way his voice broke over her name. And the realization that after tonight, she could never, ever, build up any kind of wall between them again because he already tore and ripped at the foundations.
“Do you know how I know that?”
“Jake, please.”
Don't say it. Don't say it, she chanted inside her mind.
“Because you came back.”
She took a sharp breath, ready to deny all. “I came for--”
“For Charlie?” He snorted. “Why would you care what happens to him when you didn't before?”
“That's not fair.”
“You could've stayed at your mother's, you could've stayed wherever and I would be none the wiser but you came back, here, where sooner or later, you knew that I would know.”
She shook her head, violently this time.
“When I first came to your store, you weren't surprise. You've been waiting for me to come, in fact, you expected me to come as soon as I knew. And I did. Pathetic? Yes, Predictable? Yes. Stupid? Definitely. Regret it? No. I don't do things that I don't want to, Bells. And if you admit it, neither do you. There is a reason why you didn't marry him, there is a reason why when I kiss you, you kiss me back, there is a reason why you are here, where I am...and he's not.”
He said it, Bella stared at the passion he put into his words, the utter conviction in his expression and found out that she couldn't deny it, any of it.
So she stared at him and he stared back.
At least until a knock broke their stillness.
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